


Look at me (the way I look at you)

by hwangsungfairy



Series: HwangSung Short Stories [3]
Category: NU'EST, Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Cars Accidents, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, Sexual Content, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-06-11
Packaged: 2019-05-20 16:48:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14898288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hwangsungfairy/pseuds/hwangsungfairy
Summary: Minhyun is so desperately in love with Jisung that he'll endure anything to spend a few hours with him, even if it means getting involved into an unhealthy relationship.





	Look at me (the way I look at you)

**Author's Note:**

> Please be careful reading this story, which deals with possibly triggering themes such as unhealthy relationships and car accidents. That said, enjoy the story!
> 
> (edited on June 14th 2018)

His jaw hurts, Minhyun realizes as he washes his mouth with mouthwash. And it’s not just his jaw, his lower back also feels sore to the point he has trouble standing up right now. He checks his reflection in the mirror, and there’s a pang of hurt in his chest as he takes in his dark circles, and more especially his glassy eyes. He looks away as a first tear escapes his right eye, and crashes into the sink. There’s dried cum on his abs and thighs, and the hickeys on his chest and neck are bright red, still.

He sinks into the warm bath he prepared, and goes as far as to fully immerse his head underwater for a few seconds. He breathes again, and more tears come, merging with the water of his bath. His sobs are silent, but they choke him up nevertheless. He buries his face in his hands, and he only feels worse.

Minhyun knows he should stop what he has going on with Jisung. He is so painfully aware of the fact that the relationship they have right now is unhealthy and is taking a toll not only his body, but also his mental health. But his heart desires Jisung so much he’s willing to overlook the fact that his feelings are completely one-sided.

* * *

Minhyun, at first, had been delighted when Jisung had seemingly answered positively his poor flirting. Later, they had shared a first kiss, and Jisung had whispered a sensual “I want you” against his lips. Shivering in pleasure and anticipation, Minhyun had immediately agreed, followed Jisung to his home and there, they had gone all the way, leaving Minhyun completely exhausted, but also completely satisfied. Persuaded that they were now dating, Minhyun had come up to Jisung the following day in university, only to get ignored. When he had tried to greet him, Jisung had disregarded him, barely looking at him. Minhyun had stayed there, shocked and hurt painted all over his face.

Jisung hadn’t contacted him for an entire week, before coming up to him and suddenly asking him to follow him into an empty classroom on a Friday afternoon. There, he had asked Minhyun to sit on a chair, before settling on his lap. Caressing his cheeks, and laying kisses all over his face and neck, Jisung had asked that they kept their relationship discreet. When Minhyun had asked “but what kind of relationship do we have?”, Jisung had shushed him with a finger on his lips, winking.

“You know, just casual?” he had answered, unbuttoning Minhyun’s shirt, “make each other feel good but no ties,” he had completed with a searing kiss.

Minhyun should’ve said no right away. But he loved Jisung despite it all, and more than anything, he was afraid Jisung would go see someone for sex if Minhyun were to “break up”. So, he would withstand all the hurt of the world if it meant he would sometimes have Jisung to himself for a few hours.

When Minhyun had mentioned entering this relationship which could only be called sex friends (the friends part being inexistent seeing as Jisung didn’t care for him outside of whenever he felt like having sex) to his best friend Seongwoo and Jisung’s own best friend Daniel, they had both sighed sadly at him.

“I’m so sorry, Minhyun, falling in love with him was literally the worst idea you could have. Jisung’s been acting this way for a while now and I really hate seeing people like you getting hurt by his careless behavior,” Daniel had said, voice sincere with regret.

Minhyun had shook his head, understanding where they came from but nonetheless stubbornly refusing to give up.

* * *

 

Minhyun is currently crying into a bathtub, in Jisung’s home, and he’s never felt so pathetic.

 

* * *

“Hey, you look like shit.”

Minhyun looks up from his cup, and his eyes meet Seongwoo’s worried ones.

“Thanks, I really needed to hear that,” Minhyun counters, as bitter as his black coffee.

Seongwoo’s eyebrows drop.

“I’m worried about you, Minhyunnie. Honestly, please consider breaking up with him – he’s literally sucking the life out of you.”

“I told you I won’t,” Minhyun replies, focusing on his beverage, “You never know, maybe one day he’ll realize he loves me too.”

“Only thing he loves about you is your body,” Seongwoo says nudging Minhyun’s knee with his own. “Minhyun, you deserve so much more than this asshole.”

Minhyun nods absent-mindedly.

Jisung does love his body, it’s obvious he does. Whenever they meet for sex, he always has his hands all over him, from massaging his biceps and asking Minhyun to squeeze him in his arms to kissing him everywhere. Jisung is a good kisser, and Minhyun loves laying down with Jisung on top of him, groping his ass as Jisung kisses the life out of him. Minhyun also enjoys having Jisung kissing and licking his torso, and eventually making his way between his legs, face buried between Minhyun’s thighs as he blows him with practiced ease. Jisung doesn’t take care of him after they’re done, but he’s on top of his game for preliminaries and the act itself.

Moreover, he’s told Minhyun several times how handsome- no, more like absolutely gorgeous he thinks Minhyun is, and that he finds his body most perfect. Minhyun isn’t sure from an outsider point of view, but he thinks he also has good character, so he’s just doomed to be frustrated as to why Jisung just won’t fall in love with him.

 

Minhyun actually tried to bring up the whole “we could date” discussion before, and Jisung had let him talk before shaking his head negatively.

“I get it, you’re in love with me. But I don’t do love relationships. I don’t believe in love, especially in college. You can love me, but just so you know, I won’t reciprocate. Think you can make do with that?”

Minhyun had nodded, eyes full of tears. Jisung had started kissing him, slowly, gently, making Minhyun fall for him even more as much as he was breaking his heart even more. Minhyun’s tears had started rolling on his cheeks, and Jisung had smiled.

“Aw, don’t cry, it’s okay,” he had said to a sobbing Minhyun, hugging him and petting his hair, “Just so you know, you’re the only one with whom I have this relationship, we’re exclusive to each other. Does that make you feel better?”

Minhyun’s sobs had doubled.

 

Minhyun buries his head in his arms on the table, feeling miserable at the memory of this conversation. Seongwoo starts petting his hair, gently massaging his scalp, and lets out a heavy sigh. He perks up at the door of the coffee shop opening, but his heart breaks when he realizes it is Jisung who just came in. They make eye contact, and Jisung strolls towards them, smiling nicely. Seongwoo stops caressing Minhyun’s hair, making the latter look up in surprise.

“Why’d you stop-“

“Hey.”

A thick tension appears in the atmosphere between the three of them. Seongwoo frowns, glaring at Jisung, who only smiles at him again. Jisung bends down, cupping Minhyun’s cheek to kiss him on the lips. Minhyun answers his kiss, closing his eyes as Jisung slips his tongue into his mouth, making him feel light-headed with pleasure. Jisung breaks off their kiss, and he never parts with his smile.

“Wanna come over? I thought we could spend time together,” Jisung offers, using his most gentle tone. The three of them know what Minhyun’s answer will be. He merely nods, and stands up, leaving his cup of coffee untouched.

“See you later, Seongwoo,” Minhyun says, and he follows Jisung outside without another word.

Seongwoo bites his lower lip in anger, and takes out his cell phone to ask Daniel to meet with him.

* * *

Minhyun is hurting to the point he wants to throw up.

When they make love, Minhyun enjoys it so much he wants it to never end. But once they’re done, Jisung goes back to ignoring him, not even trying to cuddle or even talk to him. No, rather, he just showers and spends some time on his phone, or goes to sleep right away as Minhyun is weeping next to him. Minhyun isn’t sure how many times it’s been since he got his heart broken.

Today, he doesn’t feel like he can stay. Jisung is already fast asleep, so Minhyun uses what little strength he can find in himself to get up and limp to the bathroom for a quick cleaning. He makes a face as he removes dried sperm from inside his body, a shameful proof of Jisung having had his way with him tonight. He cleans his entire body, from his back where Jisung’s nails left deep scratches to his torso, once again covered in hickeys. He also washes his hair, and isn’t even surprised to find cum in there too.

That’s what you get for being such a whipped idiot, Minhyun scolds himself, so why complain when earlier you were begging him to fuck your mouth and come on your face? You’re disgusting.

He doesn’t shed as many tears as usual, and he leaves Jisung’s home quietly, shamefully. He just wants to go home and forget tonight.

 

Minhyun is halfway done with going home when his tears come back, and he does the first thing he can think of; he takes out his phone and texts Seongwoo while walking. A few seconds after, instead of merely answering his text, Seongwoo calls him, and Minhyun is so thankful his best friend is always here for him.

“Hey Minhyunnie,” Seongwoo sounds tired, but his tone is full of affection nevertheless.

“Hey,” Minhyun answers, wiping his streaming tears with his free hand.

“Are you crying?” Seongwoo asks, worriedly.

“Yeah, nothing new,” Minhyun says, sniffling.

“Where are you? Shouldn’t you be sleeping over at Jisung’s?” Seongwoo enquires.

“I left, ‘couldn’t take it anymore. It hurts too much sleeping next to him after we’re done.”

With that, Minhyun’s tears come back at speed light, and Seongwoo shuffles on the other side of the line.

“It’s like 3am, why are you not sleeping?” Minhyun asks, despite his throat feeling too constricted to talk.

“Was having a sleepover with Niel, he fell asleep on my shoulder earlier during our third movie.”

“Aren’t you gonna wake him up?”

“Nah, nothing can wake him right now.”

There’s silence, and Minhyun keeps walking.

“Hey, be careful on your way home, kay? Walking on your own at 3am isn’t safe.”

“Don’t worry, I’m good.”

“Minhyun, actually, do you wanna come and sleep at my place? I’d feel more reassured knowing you’re with me and Niel rather than on your own.”

“… You sure?”

“Yes, you big dummy, hurry and come here. We can sleep together in my bed and ditch Daniel on the couch and I’ll make breakfast tomorrow morning, how does that sound?”

Minhyun smiles, and it feels like an eternity since he last did.

“It sounds amazing, I’m in.”

“’kay, so where are you right now?”

“I’m near the convenience store, the one that’s two blocks away from your place.”

“Gotcha. Can’t wait to have you here!”

Minhyun giggles. There’s a bit of silence again, and Seongwoo sighs.

“Daniel’s gritting his teeth, I hate him.”

Minhyun laughs. Seongwoo inhales, and opens his mouth to ask another question when there is a loud crash on Minhyun’s side of the line. Seongwoo frowns, worried.

“Minhyun?”

Nothing.

“Minhyun? Hey, Minhyun, you okay? Minhyun, answer me!”

The call disconnects, and Seongwoo sits up, suddenly fully awake. Maybe he’s just overthinking this, but he’s got a bad feeling about it.

“Niel! Daniel, wake up!”

Daniel blinks, and groans. He blinks sleepily, and frowns at Seongwoo’s expression.

“What’s wrong?” he mutters, groggily.

“Minhyun was at Jisung’s earlier and he wanted to go home but I told him to come here instead and while we were calling there was a huge crash, I think something happened to him.”

Daniel’s eyes widen in horror, and he gets up, immediately getting his sweater.

“Did he tell you where he was?” Daniel sounds strangled, and Seongwoo knows he’s at least as worried as him.

“Yes, he was really close. We gotta go there right now!”

* * *

Jisung wakes up jumping to the sound of his ringtone. Half awake, he swipes and answers the call.

“Jisung!” Daniel’s voice is so loud on the other side of the line Jisung frowns.

“Fuck, Niel, do you know what time it is?” Jisung asks, not happy.

“Shut up and listen to me!” Daniel cuts him off, clearly pissed. “Minhyun is dying and all you care about is fucking sleeping?!”

That wakes him up in a matter of seconds.

“The fuck you mean he’s dying? That’s not possible, he came over tonight-“ Jisung counters, turning on his side to confirm what he’s saying. However, he’s met with an empty, cold bed.

“Well now he’s in a hospital room fucking dying.”

Jisung can’t breathe.

“What happened?” he asks, throat so dry he can barely articulate.

“He was on his way home and he was calling Seongwoo, who told him to come over at his place instead, so Minhyun switched itineraries and started heading there when he got hit by a car. Driver was drunk and he’s safe, but Minhyun was hit so badly they don’t even know if he’s gonna make it.”

“It’s my fault,” Jisung says before he can think about it. “Oh my fucking… it’s my fault.”

“Just… come over. I’ll text you the address of the hospital.”

 

Jisung rushes to his bathroom to clean his face and dresses up quickly. His brain is overheating with all kinds of thoughts. His main train of thoughts goes as follows: had he agreed on dating Minhyun from the start, then Minhyun would’ve stayed by his side and wouldn’t have gone outside in the middle of the night and gotten hit by a car.

He reaches the hospital as quickly as he can, and is met with the sigh of a bawling Seongwoo in Daniel’s arms. Daniel sends him a glare, and Jisung avoids his eyes. However, Jisung does settle next to Daniel, burying his face into his neck while back-hugging him. Daniel focuses on Seongwoo on his chest, but lets him rest on his back. Eventually, Daniel soothes Seongwoo enough that he starts sleeping, but neither he and Jisung get rest.

A doctor comes to them around 8am, and reassures them that Minhyun is safe, although his condition is fragile. Tears appear in the young men’s eyes, and Daniel wakes up Seongwoo. They’re told that visits won’t be allowed right away, unless they’re family, so they head back to their respective places, sleep deprived.

* * *

One week in, and Daniel and Jisung have coordinated themselves to come at the same time to visit Minhyun, who’s awake and healthy enough to hold a proper conversation. There, they meet Minhyun’s parents as they exit the room in which their son is resting, and they make quick introductions.

“I’m Minhyun’s boyfriend,” Jisung says, “I… was the last person who saw him before he had his accident.”

“Oh, sweetheart, it must’ve been so hard on you,” Minhyun’s mom immediately says before pulling Jisung into a warm, motherly hug. Minhyun’s father embraces him as well, and Jisung feels his chest hurt as they leave.

“What the absolute fuck”, Daniel says, incredulous. “His boyfriend?”

“What else was I supposed to say?” Jisung defends himself, but he shuts up as Daniel glares at him.

“You’re lucky we’re in a hospital right now or I would’ve hit you! I can’t believe you lied to his parents in front of me?! We both know you’ve been trampling on his feelings since the beginning like the fucking dickhead you are, when all he’s done is love you sincerely. Fuck, man, it’s even your fault he got hit by the friggin car in the first place, so what shit are you trying to pull?”

Jisung glares back, and Daniel opens his mouth, only to close it after.

“I’ll go first and then I’ll let you, but I hope he doesn’t forgive your filthy liar’s ass. I feel so fucking ashamed to call you my best friend.”

Daniel’s visit barely last ten or fifteen minutes, and he is obviously holding back from hitting Jisung as they see each other. Jisung comes in, and Minhyun looks up, surprised.

Jisung sits on his bed, close to him, and takes Minhyun’s hands in his.

“I want to apologize for hurting you the way I did, I was an absolute asshole to you. I don’t have any excuse, but I really, really want to ask for your forgiveness.” He licks his lips, and this time, establishes eye contact with Minhyun as he goes on, “Minhyun, I know this is going to sound fake coming from me, but can I be your boyfriend? I want to take care of you and make up for all the shit I put you through, and I really want to love you like you deserve.”

Minhyun’s eyes are full of tears, and Jisung wants to hug him, but he understands that would be pushing his limits. Minhyun needs a few minutes to recover, and he squeezes Jisung’s hands.

“You’re not trying to trick me, right? Are you really being sincere?”

“It’s the most sincere I’ve ever been to you,” Jisung reassures him, caressing his cheek.

Minhyun nods timidly, and Jisung pulls him into a hug, kissing his ear as he does so.

“Thank you for giving me another chance, I’ll make you the happiest.”

* * *

Seongwoo and Daniel are this close to fighting Jisung when they see him with Minhyun once the latter is back to university, only to be stopped by Minhyun himself, who assures they’re settled in a relationship now. Neither Daniel and Seongwoo are convinced right away, but once they witness the new, official couple hold hands and kiss and look at each other lovingly and happily, they’re a little more okay with it.

A few months later, Daniel and Seongwoo are actually the ones asking to Minhyun and Jisung to tone down the PDA, as they’re clearly too happy to spend any second with each other cuddling and kissing. But they can’t be mad, especially when it’s the happiest they’ve seen their respective best friends in forever.

“Can we go to the amusement park?” Minhyun asks one day as they’re having lunch.

“Okay, I’ll pay for you,” Jisung immediately agrees, and Minhyun coos at him. “But you guys are paying on your own, I’m only paying for my boyfriend,” he adds, pointing his chopsticks at Daniel and Seongwoo.

“Oh no, we’re gonna have to witness you guys being gross all day,” Seongwoo groans.

Daniel pats his back, sharing the same opinion. But Minhyun can’t relate to their desperate state, especially not as he leans in to kiss Jisung with as much love as he can show into a kiss. He smiles in their embrace, and makes the wish for his happiness to never stop.

**Author's Note:**

> There, you reached the end! I had "fun" writing Jisung as the bad guy. On another note, it's up to you whether you consider ongniel as being a thing in the story or not, I left it vague on purpose ;O I personally like reading a story and there's characters you're not sure about the relationship, but the author leaves it vague enough you can see it as friendship or love, so that's what I was trying to do here. 
> 
> If you wanna let me know what you thought of the story, I'm all ears!


End file.
